Gone

Today is day two. And i got some sleep so i feel a little better. I dont feel like i have been crying for months and months over. Of course im not better better though. If that makes any sence. Just taking it One day at a time. Well actually an hour at a time. I was looking online at http://find-a-therapist.com/ Im actually thinking of doing this. But its soo costly. And i forsure do not have that kind of Money *sigh* We will see. I just dunno if i can get over this without one. Sure a bunch of people are there for me. Which helps. But maybe a therapist would help also? They cost alot. So we will see..
Last night all i basically did is lay and bed and think.. and think.. i could not sleep! . Finally 7am. I fell asleep. and woke up at 11am. Im glad i got some sleep. I feel refreshed. But im bad cause i asked derek to cuddle.. WHY DID I? i can't believe how stupid i was...
Then i got to thinking.. about everything.. My whole life is crushed! We had so many plans. Get married. Get a real house ina couple years.. we had vacations planned out. This year we were suppose to go with our friends out.. and this couple thing we do every year *Cries* . We planned on TTCing August 2008. *Cries* . We planned on moving to NC evenually... yeah not happening.. Any of it. nothing.. everything i'd want in life is gone. I still plan continue school on being a nurse. But my life right now seems like nothing. Expect my daughter. Of course she is the only thing pulling me through.. Honestly If i didn't have her. Come april i prolly would have left this state. I would have went off else where. prolly Florida or something. But i dont have that choice right now.. *sigh*
Also i'd like to add Its noon and i have not cried yet. So far that is my goal... amazing.. Also i guess derek needs to *think* about everything. but i bet he will email me today.. blah!

Intro

Today i decided to start a journal/blog. So i can get through this. Many people are extremly sweet and helping me in anyway possible. and im extremly thankful. I need this to gather my thoughts. And everything i will be feeling. Because this is alot harder then i thought it would be to get through. Im going through something no one ever dreamed would happen to them. And its happening to me right now.I was planning on getting married to whom i thought i'd love and be happy with for the rest of my life.I had the perfect life.. i was engaged.. moving into a townhome.. had a beach by..had a good job..had a job.. and was going to get married.. But suddenly my dreams have crashed. And im broken into a billion pieces. And i think this will help me get through this horrible time....

Basic:
Amber 21 years old. I have a daughter she is 9 months.